Why Photography?

The number one question I am always asked is, "why photography?" You'd think my answer would be simple as in, " Well mam I just find flowers breathtaking." However, for me it's just not that simple at all. Truth is there is no simple way for me to put besides telling my full story of how I found photography and introduce you to some of the people I've met along the way. It's definitely not a story many expect at all, but then again nothing turns out to be as expected. Most think I've been doing photography for years or that I went to school for something in the creative world. When in all actuality not once in my childhood did I ever think photography would be a thing for me. My only goal in life was to go to college and become a Radiologist. The only back up plan I've ever had for that was just to become a nurse. Yeah, I know.... a far way off from wanting to be a photographer. Which then brings up the question again, "So why photography?" Well buckle up and lets take a little trip back into the past, but first let me introduce myself! Hello! My name is Devin and I'm a recovering alcoholic. I have sobriety date of 10/28/2017!

About one year previous to that date I was diagnosed with pancreatitis after a night out drinking. I woke throwing up blood and a lot of it. I immediately told my mom and was rushed to the ER. When I arrived I was still puking, but blood had stopped and pain had really kicked in. The pain was unlike any pain I've felt before. It would take the breath right out of me and bring me to immediate tears. When the doctor came back with some test results she had claimed hyper cannabinoid emesis or rapid vomiting due to smoking marijuana. I was in complete awh when I heard that and so was momma bear. Lets just say she had a few words with the doc about that one. Simply because there was no way in hell I was in that much pain and throwing up blood from smoking weed especially when I wasn't that big of a smoker. Anyway, they kept for 3 days, never gave me pain meds, and basically called me a liar. When they discharged me I had another serious attack that caused me to pass out. My mother then took me to a different hospital where with in 30 min I was diagnosed with a severe case of pancreatitis. From that point I was in the hospital for just a little over a month on a feeding tube. I was told my pancreatitis was caused from alcohol seeing it was the only logical explanation because I was far from an old over weight man. I was in major, major denial with this bold statement to the point where I actually laughed when the doc told me. I said, "There is no way in HELL I'm an alcoholic I drink just as much as a normal college student." I didn't take in to consideration though that most of my college friends did confront me a few times that they thought I drank a little too much. In my eyes since I never got in trouble from it I didn't see it as an issue. Well it took 24 more hospitalizations, new drug addictions, and major depression to finally say to myself, "Yeahhhh, I think doc was right I have a problem." When I finally realized the path I was heading down I told my family and friends everything I was dealing with. It was a night I'll never forget and that next day I asked to go to rehab. I did not see any light coming my way only darkness. I knew that if I didn't get actual help I was going to end up dead. I was admitted to rehabilitation center for about 4 months for duel diagnosis treatment.

This was by far one of the hardest life decisions, but equally the best. Rehab was extremely hard at first not only because of detoxing, but sharing feelings that I had built up for many of years was a very difficult task. It took me a little while before finally opening up, but when I did it felt incredible. I started crying to the point I couldn't finish what I had to say then everyone in the room stood up walked over and gave me one giant group hug. I'm actually now crying again just thinking of it! Right in that moment I finally felt at piece for once in my life clear of all guilty conscious! After that everything started to flow smoothly and I started to become a little more me again. However, I was still lost when I left rehab because now came the question of what's next? Like I said previously I've never had a back up plan and school was out of the question for me. I had too many withdraws and my financial aid was all messed up. At the time I was working for AT&T as a sales rep and my first year out of rehab I excelled very quickly. With in that year I was a #1 sales rep in the company, promoted to assistant manager/ business rep, became #1 business sales rep in my region, promoted to manager, ranked #1 in the company my first month as manager, and was always ranked among the top 5 stores after that. I could have had a very promising career at AT&T, but I still wasn't happy and didn't see myself making that my full time career. Then started to fall back into more depression because life was starting to kick back in and I didn't have alcohol to turn back to for band aid answers. I'm a 24 y/o dude living in Missouri where there is nothing to do besides drink so I didn't want to see friends because I was scared of relapsing. I realized that I really needed to find a hobby I could do alone and that would get me out of the house because if the depression were to build up again it would have caused a relapse no doubt in my mind. I started to workout a lot and it helped a lot with other mental issues, but still wasn't doing the trick because that was only 2 hours out of my day. Then one day I noticed a friend post something about starting photography on Facebook which sparked the idea of me getting a camera. I thought well I've always been creative so I might have an eye for it, I do love seeing new things, and it would be something I could do for a long period of time alone. This was right around Christmas and found a Nikon d3500 on sale with two lens, an SD card, and a camera bag for like $500. I ended up getting that for my own little Christmas gift to myself.

A few days later I received an email that my camera had arrived while I was at work and lets just say I took a nice little half day. When I got home I immediately opened up the box and started to mess with the camera. I had absolutely no clue what I was looking at or even how to operate the camera. I could power it on and I knew where to click to make it take a photo that was about it for camera knowledge. Instead of looking up YouTube videos like a smart person would do prior to using foreign tech, but I just packed it all up and went to the park! From the first shot I took at that park I was hooked. I started looking for trees to climb to get different angles, I'd lay down in the leaves, I'd would wonder off the path in search of other things I found interesting, and I even almost got hit by a train. Try not to have your headphones on with music to loud if you plan on shooting on a railroad track that's all have to say about that last one. Anyway, the camera was doing everything I had planned for it to do. My mind was no longer thinking dark thoughts, I was no longer anxious, I was no longer having to do something with somebody, and I was free. I stayed at that park shooting for hours! Finally, I rushed back home to start editing the photos, but I had zero clue on what to use to edit or even how to properly edit photos. Luckily I had a friend that was a photographer and I had asked her what she used. Which was Adobe Lightroom. When I launched that app I was very overwhelmed! I didn't know what any of the terms meant at all besides the obvious ones like whites and blacks. Saturation? Exposure? Contrast? Well I let my inner child out and just started playing with all the different sliders and presets. Looking back at these photos now I can definitely tell I had no idea what the hell I was doing with editing. Texture 100, Dehaze 100, Clarity 100, and 0 Saturation or 100 Saturation no in between! My grandma loved them though and that's all that mattered! It didn't matter to me though because I was having fun doing it and truly happy for the first time in awhile

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Now fast forward to 1 year from that day at the park. I was shooting at parks mainly that entire year simply just as a form of self help. I didn't have any interest in making money off my photos or turning it into a business at that time. I was a manager for AT&T at this time and doing extremally well with promises of being a district manger soon. Therefore, I was mainly focused on that being my career. However, I ended up getting a different offer to work a completely different position out in Kansas City. This was an opportunity I've been looking for since I got out of rehab. A new place to live and true fresh start to my life! I ended up taking the position and moved out to KC 3 months later. It was a commission only position, but was promised I'd be making more than I would as a district manager and way more free time. I rented a two bedroom apt for around $1,200 month thinking I was going to being clearing six figures that year. Damn was I wrong. I was sent out to the position with two feet buried. The rep before me ghosted our 24 properties for about 3 months so they hated AT&T. My first day of visiting properties they didn't even know they had a new rep that's how poor the communication had been. I didn't make more than 10 sales my first 3 months of working in that position and I quickly went very, very broke. I ended up leaving that position because I could no longer afford to hold that position. After that jobs didn't go well at all and I was quickly falling back to where I was before rehab, but just sober now. I was so lost and confused because I felt there had to be a reason I came out to KC. It felt so right and I thought it was because of that job and the promised future I'd have. As I started to get depressed again I started to pick up my camera more and would explore all over KC. Which allowed me to start meeting a lot of new creatives in the city that are now some of my closest friends and biggest mentors!

I ended up meeting a guy named Beau (@VoiceOneArts). He was an incredible street photographer that loved to explore abandoned buildings in the hunt for dope graffiti pieces. Then the way he would write about his images on socials was so beautiful you could tell each shot truly meant something to him. Beau was my first major inspiration in the photo world. Unfortunately, he moved to Texas shortly after meeting and we only had the opportunity to shoot one time together. However, that one day was the most impactful day in my photo career because the thought of being a photographer actually became a thing. In the photo world that convinced me to really practice photography. He is the reason why I started my photo career in street photography and landscape photography. I love shooting street photography because you're exploring into the unknown. New abandon buildings, new ally ways, new roof tops, etc! This allowed me to really push myself out of my comfort zone in trying new things. Going into the buildings would bring back that similar rush of adrenaline that drinking would be in the past. However, this still wasn't paying the pay bills at all and work life was not going so well like I said prior. Luckily the next two guys I met after Beau quickly accepted me as a good friend and showed me my other sides of the photo community here in KC.

First, was Chris Douglas (@big_fish_kc). He had seen some of my work on Instagram and reached out to me asking to possibly collab because he felt we would work very well together. It took us a little over a year to meet, but when we did he quickly became one of my best friends here in KC along with his roommate Spencer (@pics_by_spence) who was another photographer. They both are the owners of Acaudi Productions here in KC. Both of them from the start were very supportive of my work and would always compliment me on shots while offering very good constructive feedback that allowed me to grow as a photographer. Chris and Spencer shot more portraits than anything at the time and showed me that side of photography. By starting to work with models more I was starting to actually make some friends in KC. It allowed me to really get to know people and show people a different side of themselves they were unware of! Spencer and Chris helped get me in many other ways as well connecting me with other creatives in the area to learn from, brought me on jobs with them to see how it was done in a professional environment, and even let me come to there studio whenever to edit with them. With out these guys in my life I don't think I'd be living in KC anymore to be truthful. They both have helped me in tremendous ways.

Next up I met Richard (@bobolov_productions) and Travis (@_Chravis) who would both get me into my absolute favorite areas of photography the exotic car scene and products. Richard has been a blessing in my photo career. He has helped with many of gigs, loaned equipment, creative advice, and so much more that I don't know how I'll ever repay him. Him getting me to shoot cars though was not by chance though. Nothing compares to the feeling of when I drank than shooting cars. I could shoot landscapes, models, products etc for hours, but cars I could shoot for days. There is nothing like trying to capture the perfect image of a moving car while hanging out a moving car. It's an excitement unlike any other! On top of that the owners are some of the most down to earth people I have ever met in my life. Some of them even mentor me now in many areas of life. Travis got me into the product photo scene and retouching. He is by far the one of the best photographers and photo re-touchers in KC. He's a very harsh guy, but means well in constructive feed back to really push myself to be better. I don't think he knows this, but I consider him one of my greatest mentors. When I first seen his work that's when I got inspired to try out product photography. I can fully unleash my creativity when it comes to products and that's what I love most. There is so much that goes into it that you just get lost in the process and hours go by with out even noticing! Product shots taught me how to pay attention to detail and are what led to me practicing photoshop/retouching. Due to having to learn that, I've now taught myself graphic design, web design, and logo design. Which then really helped launch my creative career!

As you can see what started off as buying a camera to get out of my comfort zone turned into so much more. Photography is not only an unfound passion, but it's all I want to do the rest of my life now. I love the whole process of it honestly, from planning a shoot, to the setting up/taking down of the set, to actually shooting and to doing to the final edits. It's the only time my brain shuts off from all the darkness. I start to only see beauty in everything though my lens. It has saved my life countless of times instead of me crawling into a depressive hole. It has allowed me to view life in different perspectives. It has allowed me to travel more in one year than I have in my entire life prior. It has led to other areas in the creative world like graphic design, web design, branding, video and so much more! It has even taught me life skills that I use every day when viewing things! It has led me to people that changed my life in many of ways and have been there for me in some of the worst of times. Not just those 4 people either! There are many many more that hold a special place in my heart. On top of all of that in the 4 years of shooting photography I have shot for a few major companies in the U.S., I've traveled across the U.S. with 150 super cars on Crown Rally, I've been published in Praze Magazine, I've had work showcased to the world on websites and socials! Never in a million years would I think a $500 camera that I bought to get out of my comfort zone would take me this far. I went from blacking out forgetting my nights to documenting memories that will last forever.

That's why photography

This is a message to those out there lost and struggling. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom so that you can only see what's in front of you. Never give up on your dreams, be patient, look for the signs, and always remember be your true self . Everything happens for a reason. <3

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Thank you to everyone has played a major role in getting me to where I am today! You all hold a very special place in my heart. I would have mentioned each and every single one of you, but that obviously would turn this blog into a book. :)

Huge shout out to @eleni.k.photogrpahy for taking the shots to help with this post! First 3 images were taken by her! Make sure to head over to her IG to check out her work! Her creativity is off the charts!